Loss of lustre

As medical students, we seldom venture out of our medical complex of 3 buildings all within a stones throw of each other. Located in a seclusive place around the hospital, the distance to the rest of Uni is much too significant for a lazy man. I was forced to walk this very distance, which threatened to disturb my morning routine of waking up 20 minutes before lecture, showering for 5, dressing for 5, eating for 5 and ending up at lectures on time after walking for 5. I say threatened, as I decided to hit that snooze button to the alarm set 10 minutes earlier, and spent an amazing 10 more minutes sleeping. Every second was worth it even if it meant I was every of those seconds late to lab.

Our microbiology lab is placed deep into the main campus. The path to the micro lab took me past the buildings that were so significant in my first year at University of Otago as a a First Year Health Science student. I saw a kid stumble out of the main lecture theater of the past, St. David, his steps uncertain and a look of disorientated awe on his face. It was tempting to look down on this guy, with all of that behind me, but the truth is, I felt envious of him.

The first of year of University is filled with so many firsts after being thrust into a situation that is so different than being at high school. He still has the priceless feelings that’ll be fiercely strong with the uncertainty of doing something for the very first time,  just “like a virgin.” As much as I love being experienced and being more confident in the myriad of things I’ve come to know at University, sometimes I miss how much excitement I used to feel at doing the exact same things.

Perhaps I’ve been prone to thinking this way having just reached half way to forty. Being in this double decade life, realistically I’ve already lived a quarter or a fifth of my life. It really made me think about what I’ve accomplished and how I would have spent the days differently knowing what I do now. After about 10 minutes of thinking about my life in such a depressing way during my birthday after the birthday song at  12pm, I looked around my room filled with my closest friends and just felt…. lucky. I may have some ugly parts of my life, but seeing this beautiful part of my life was more than enough than to put a huge smile on my face.

It’s making me think how my life seems so dictative by the people around me.